Recovering, revisted

Writing about my feelings and experiences with this miscarriage has been so therapeutic for me! I re-read yesterday's post (was that just yesterday? it seems like so long ago) and realized that I only described the "sad" part of my emotions about this whole thing.

I do feel incredibly happy and blessed at times, just not ALL of the time, but who feels that way all of the time anyway? Good for you, if you do :)   I find joy in knowing that little one is safe where they are, and I am SO happy with my family that I have been blessed with. I love my two little girls and honestly, this experience has helped me to be a better companion for Trenton, I think. At least my attitude has altered quite a bit from my grumpy self that I'd been the last year and a half or so towards him to true gratitude and love. Did you know that you can CHOOSE who you love? I choose to love him, no matter what! That's what makes marriage hard, I think, is realizing that even when they do something you don't agree with or that drives you crazy or whatever, you realize at that moment that you can not like them, or you can love them.

Ohh, my little Brooklin and Mackenzi are just the cutest little girls, I feel so blessed to have them with me right now to help keep me busy and to give me lots of hugs and kisses. Have I mentioned that lately Brooklin's new thing is to shorten EVERYTHING into one syllable words? She just told me, "Hey, don't sit on my blank!" uh, blanket, sweetie. She just cracks me up.

I think I am healing better than I realize. I think each day is a little better than the last. And even though I don't particularly seek opportunities to talk about this experience, I do think it's good for me to. And, I don't want people to be afraid of talking about it with me, I do'nt want to alienate people because of this experience.

The reason, besides therapy (I could just write in my journal....) that I've chosen to share my experience as I see it is so that other people who haven't gone through something like this can understand a little better, and so that those who have experienced this or something similar can know they're not alone. I really craved knowing that, and read a lot of other people's experiences that very day that I found out. Marie, I searched your blog for your experience because I remembered you had written about it. I don't know a lot of other people personally who've experienced these kinds of things that actually write about them, so I read a lot of strangers accounts. It helped. Not only with what decisions to make, but honestly just knowing that this happens. Not just to me. I wish it didn't, but it does. And also, finding out through your comments and reading others' experiences that life goes on (which, looking over this last week, DUH, it's going, it's happening, life is still being lived) and that totally makes me happy, and brings me so much comfort!